Make them "swoon"

Queen of Sheba had "no more spirit" in her when she saw the wonders in King Solomon's palace. That's what I desire - that HOGC's guests will swoon when they see God's glory.

"Servanthood with class". That's what my Pastor Lia prophesied to me. I was so touched when she told me what God said to her when I was serving. He said that "my servant's face" is "glorious". He sees me. And that's all that matters.

Then there was a prayer for "emotional strength" to drive away "self doubt". I am thankful. My Pastors knew.

Aside to career, all's well. Training sessions are good. My bosses are happy with me. My colleagues are wonderful. I get a thrill in handling tough issues. All that hard work in my former bank paid off. Now, I get some stature. It's the beginnings of leadership. I will make it. Best of all, I get to go home early! ha!

Lack of Faith

A brief but impactful conversation between me and my beloved Pastor Lia went like this:

Pastor: You like things to be done well one hor?
Me: Of course.
Pastor: But you know, people like that tend to be very hard on themselves one.
Me: Yah, I am.

Haha... I believed my Pastors knew. I mean... nothing escapes them, cos nothing escapes Holy Spirit and God's discernment and wisdom in them.

Am I too hard on myself? The brief interlude set my mind waves on a many flashbacks. In sec school, I cried my eyes out when I didn’t get an A1 for my maths, even though I got an A2. I was depressed in JC cos my grades really sucked. I was happy in Uni because I did well in school. Anything less than an A cannot do. I pushed myself hard.

Still, I have had failures in my life that reminded me that I cannot live from success to success. Only Jesus satisfies.

Still, I know. I am nuts about details and doing things right. When others fall, I try to comfort them, saying that we all learn from mistakes. When I fall, I chastised myself.

Alright. Lesson learnt. Pastor has effectively showed me something, even if she did not mention it directly. That is, I lacked faith. Faith that knows God will always pull me through stuff. Faith that moves mountains. Faith that says that all things are possible. Faith that brings incomprehensible peace.

Father, forgive me for my lack of faith. Thank you for always seeing me through.

Myriad of stuff in my head

Yeh. That's what it is. A myriad of thoughts - angry, faith-filled, gratefulness, helplessness, loneliness... good stuff, bad stuff and too many stuff... Is it because my brain's underemployed again? only the brain seemed underemployed, my schedule's packed to the max. Sometimes I could hardly breathe.
New role at my new job. Just 2 months into the new company and there I am, taking on new challenges... now I have to give training? Wow... me? hahaha... what a laugh! But no, I cannot laugh, cos it's the beginnings of leadership.
Last week, Pastor Lia reminded us about God's kairos timing for everyone in our church. That these are times of the beginnings of leadership. As much as I am nuts in my head and my emotions going all over the place, God's grace and mercy to me remains. He knows that I am in the dumps now, emotionally and spiritually. Still, He raises me up and pushes me alongside the express path of my accelerating church. In a way, my struggle is with flesh. I know. I know. I am not there, but because of His grace and mercy to me, He keeps me. I struggle to dampen the pace, He hastens me.
Father, just don't let me let you go.

Ba Boom!

G for Gero.
Bo Liao...
hahahahaha!!!!!!!

One!

Uno!