Need to self medicate

On leave today. Feel horrible. Feel like the world's worst church leader and the world's worst person. Feel like a loser. Feel that the world will do better without me. Feel that I would be better off not existing.

But I know. I can't live like this. I need to self medicate. I am sick. I need to pray. I need my God. So I shall pray.

so Devil, buzz off. Quit screwing my mind. I belong to my Jesus.

On the verge

I might just give up.
I have no substance anyway...

unhappy

Can I have time to myself?

please?

Oscar award

Oscar award goes to me for being the best actress.
I am feeling wayyyyy.......... down.
But no one knows. No one sees.
I'll just pretend that I am ok.
Don't want to bring anyone down along with me.

Top on my mind is... we are unequally yoked. He is an amazing guy and leader. I am not there. May never be there.
Am I bringing him down? Am I a stopper to his growth and destiny?

I don't feel good.
I don't want to talk about it. I know what they'll say... "you are an awesome leader"
But at this point, I can't believe it.


... ... ...


Satan, get behind me. In Jesus' name.

Consequences Consciousness

I was about to blog about the crazy thing that came into my mind just now, while waiting for the traffic light... what happens if I just get knocked down and died? ...then as I logged into my blog (which I thought no one actually reads, so that I can vomit out the things inside of me freely), i saw a comment on my previous emo entry from "blessedone"... then I became aware of the things that I blogged about can have consequences... I can either bless and edify someone, or bring someone down with me...

To those who actually read my crazy thoughts, I usually blog when I am emo. Emo is not right. Don't ever let me drag you down.

When I am down, I need an outlet. This is my outlet. I grew up writing a diary. that's where I release the tensions inside of me.

And when I am down, I seek God. This, you may follow.
Just don't follow my craziness.

Valleys Valleys

Valleys Valleys...
When I am down, I will trust in You.
When I am down, I will praise You.

not pastor material

Maybe I am just not pastoral enough. Maybe I am not cut out to be a church leader.
Maybe it's just me.

Broken hearted

What is it about Singaporeans starting a new job or starting out at work, that makes it sooooooo hard? worse. Christians who drop God and church cos they can't cope at work.
I don't get it.
When the going gets tough, you cling onto God. Not leave Him.
I really don't get it. really.
We owe Him everything. He doesn't owe us.

Lady D

Love my Lady D. Today's her Birthday.

So happy that God has healed her and today we celebrate her life. She is full of life. That's it. Jesus came so that we can have life and have it abundantly.

that's Lady D's life. It's abundant.

Thank you Jesus!