Lack of Faith

A brief but impactful conversation between me and my beloved Pastor Lia went like this:

Pastor: You like things to be done well one hor?
Me: Of course.
Pastor: But you know, people like that tend to be very hard on themselves one.
Me: Yah, I am.

Haha... I believed my Pastors knew. I mean... nothing escapes them, cos nothing escapes Holy Spirit and God's discernment and wisdom in them.

Am I too hard on myself? The brief interlude set my mind waves on a many flashbacks. In sec school, I cried my eyes out when I didn’t get an A1 for my maths, even though I got an A2. I was depressed in JC cos my grades really sucked. I was happy in Uni because I did well in school. Anything less than an A cannot do. I pushed myself hard.

Still, I have had failures in my life that reminded me that I cannot live from success to success. Only Jesus satisfies.

Still, I know. I am nuts about details and doing things right. When others fall, I try to comfort them, saying that we all learn from mistakes. When I fall, I chastised myself.

Alright. Lesson learnt. Pastor has effectively showed me something, even if she did not mention it directly. That is, I lacked faith. Faith that knows God will always pull me through stuff. Faith that moves mountains. Faith that says that all things are possible. Faith that brings incomprehensible peace.

Father, forgive me for my lack of faith. Thank you for always seeing me through.