John 11:4

"This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it." - John 11: 4 -

This verse dropped into my heart yesterday during service, and again, during my QT today.

D, we are all praying for you. We have faith that God has already healed you. We love you dearly. And personally, you are my Heroine.

This episode will be for God's glory, for people to turn to Him.

Looking forward to D's testimony.

Long work days...

Don't know how many more 12 to 14 hours days can I take... Work is too admin. Intensed like mad, no time to pee, no time to eat. Don't get me wrong... intensed as it is, it is BORING. Honestly, I feel like a bimbo. Buying cakes for clients, picking up cheques, depositing cheques, chasing people to get work done...duh...
But I asked for it, right? yup.

Tsk. But just let me grouse and be real, can?

One year. I think I will only try this position for one year. Cannot let my brain rot. Maybe God wants me to be more administrative? Maybe God wants me to be more bold in speaking to rich and important people? Maybe.

Stop.

Nonetheless, I thank God that I have a job, despite news of global retrenchment for my company and the Chairman's pay cut by 90%.

My grouse is that last week, I had to go to church for a meeting at 7.30pm, which means I have to leave office by 7pm latest. But my boss had to give me work at 6:50pm and wanted me to do it immediately. I told her bluntly that I have to leave cos I have a church meeting. She said "oh. But do this first."
!@*(&^&*!^@#!
I did it in a rush. No way is she going to stop me from leaving. I was so tempted to cast some demons out of her. (of cos I didn't)

Then this week, I had CG, and on purpose, I told my banker that I have church that evening, and I will leave by 7pm, by hook or by crook, and they cant stop me. Thankfully, he covered for me. He told the rest of the bankers not to dump work on me.

Then of cos, the other weekday nights when I do not have church meetings, I work till late. I just wanted my boss and the bankers to know that I will work hard and work late. But when I have church, I will not hesitate to leave the office. Guess I have to "educate" my new team that church is my priority.

Since Dec 2007, work and career no longer holds a big place in my heart. Something's changed.

What's your vision, my child?

I really don't know... God. It is somewhat vague and blurred.

Yesterday, Pastor Lia preached about the all-elusive Vision. Elusive to me because mine's vague, obscure, intangible and indefinable. Nonetheless, there is no denying that vision is important and powerful. Without vision, one is rendered almost ineffectual, almost useless, dead. There would be no purpose to live then.

But not for me. I can't be visionless. That is not reflective of my God. My God is a God of visions.

It's my own fault and laziness that got me into this stage. I should have written stuff down as and when I felt that I had a burden.

Birth of a vision begins with a burden. What are you burdened for? What am I burdened for?

Let's start with what I detest, maybe that would help.
1) Injustice
2) Bullying
3) Betrayal
4) Inferiority complex
5) Self-righteousness
6) Lowly sadistic people who RELISH in discouraging people.
and more ... ...

What I admire:
1) Strength
2) Uncompromising
3) Joy
4) Faith
5) Security in God
6) Lavishing praises on others
7) Protecting the weak... I wish I had superpowers so that I can zap bullies.
8) Oprah Winfrey... yes, I love her work. I admit it.
and more ...

I know... I already knew in my heart. My burden has always been for people with low self-esteem. I was there once. I am still managing it. My real dream is to get people's self esteem up by showing them that they can be secured in God. That God loves us no matter how lowly we think of ourselves. That we do not have to do, we only have to be. Be His child. His beloved child.

And and ... I love to lavish praises on people. I learned to do that by watching my church leaders. Find all the praise-worthy things about people, and tell them. I love to encourage people, esp the down and out.

And and ... I have a tendency, an inclination to want to fight against injustice. I hate bullies. If not for God's wisdom and timely interception, I would have gotten into trouble shooting my mouth off because of this tendency.

And and ... I want to build my church. It is my privilege to serve. And it is my privilege to give.

But now comes translating all that into an action plan. What exactly is that? hmm... Can I let God decide?

Despite my career in the private banking arena, I know, deep down, that I still want to be an image consultant. But that has to wait.

But I will be a leader.

New beginnings

Started on my new posting. Back to being new, blur and small. New team is definitely quieter, more prim and more proper. Makes me miss my colleagues in ops, where it is rowdier and louder, which is very nice.
New work is ok. Not that I am passionate about it (yet... put disclaimer first, who knows, I may like it very much). Done nothing significant. Collected a few cheques, did a few rollovers... a lot of scanning and photocopying... mmm... no wonder my feedback to the NUS master programme was that my masters is totally unapplicable to my career... hahah. Not the programme's fault, just my latter irrelevent choice of career.
But got to be humble. Got to learn.
While I am doing all the admin and mundane stuff now, I hope to learn the motivations behind all those trades. What makes the client invest in this? What makes the client sell? What are products that will be good for what kinds of client? Very interesting. Never imagined myself to be interested in these things. How people can change over the years. I thank God for these learning opportunities. Only He can arrange for such things for me.
God is good. His timing is always perfect. I waited for this transfer for 3 months. 3 months ago, the bosses allowed my transfer. 3 months ago, the company was looking at increasing headcount. There came my opportunity. 3 months later, now, there is a headcount freeze. Wow. Just imagined, if God had not timed it so perfectly, I would never have gotten my transfer. And if my former manager has released me earlier, i.e. before March, my bonus may not be secured. So wow again. God is good. Oftimes, I never understand why God "delays" stuff, even good stuff, but always, always, once the hindsight is reached (in the forward days), God always reveals that His timing is always perfect.
My God is perfect and good.