Two!

...Just the two of us, we can make it if we tried. Just the two of us, you and I (Yehshua & D)...

;-)

And... we are down to THREE!!

just 3 more days and 21 pills left!

I love Lady D!

Four!

4!

And.... we are five days closer to the end!

5!

Six

6!

Seven!

7!

耶稣,我的平安

我从来不曾怀疑过, 到底你有多么爱我
我生命里的每一分钟, 都有你看顾着我
有的时候黑暗临到
有的时候巨浪狂风
我心依然满有平安
因为有你看顾我
我的主

不管前面道路有多困苦
耶稣你永远是我的帮助
只要有你在我生命中永远看顾
我必能一路永跟随我的主

Somehow the chinese version of this song appeals more to me in this point of my thought life.
haha.

Huat ah!

8!

Hanging on

Running a fever and nursing pharyngitis... urgh... no wonder I was so lethargic for the whole week.
Physical aside...
I feel as if it spiralling downwards. I am tired. Not enthuse about stuff as much as before.
But I will hang on.
Sometimes, I just want to go see my mom. But schedule's packed, and with the flu... urgh...
Another long week starts again tomorrow. Stuff packed in for the day and for the night... sigh...
Just gotto hang on for while longer... the breakthrough will come.

Nine!

9!

Heaviness

A heavy head and a heavy heart.
Head's heavy cos it agrees.
Heart's heavy cos it disagrees.
Am I schizo?
I dunno.
What I do know... it hurts.
I am now wishing that I do not exist. Just nothing. Then no pain, no joy, no nothing... now I sound like a Buddhist...haha..
And here I am in the office, acting like I am ok. There I was in church, acting like I am ok.
But all I want, is to be by myself. Just let me be. I need space. People and stuff and feelings are taking up space in my mind, and in my schedule, almost against my will. I feel so stifled.

All I want now... is to fly away alone and just be quiet.

Perfect 10

10!

The countdown begins!

11

2 more weeks, 1 last cycle

It's Lovely D's last cycle of chemo. Then truly, that's it. NO more.
What a journey for her. I cannot imagine going through the spikes in ups and downs. She is so courageous.
My heart rejoices each time I think about how good God is, esp to her.
For me, I have never been more willing to fast and pray.

D's my heroine.
D's the IT gal in my life.

Word that proceeds from His mouth

Matt 4:4 ... "Man shall not live on bread alone, but by the word that PROCEEDS from His mouth"

Not that word that had proceeded. But the word that is proceeding and that will proceed from His mouth.

Father, I need a fresh personal revelation for me in this season.

Watch this space. The Rhema shall come.

Confessions

Power of confession... Here goes:

God's mandate for me is mine.
He empowers me.
I have a sound mind.
I am bold.
I am a leader.

Just confess it.

a Non-being

Oftimes, I wished that I have no emotions, no soul. Then, I wouldn't feel. Hmm. But God created all of us otherwise, and for me, He put an extra dose of "emo" in me. Don't know why. But I am created in His image. I wonder if Jesus as a Man was ever emo before. Most likely. Haha! So He can understand me. So I can do what He did.

Still, I wonder what is it to be a "non-being".

I shall hang on no matter what.

Uneasy times in my head

These are uneasy times for me. Nothing tangibly serious. Just super uncomfortable and super unadjusted. And it's not about work. I'm cruising through my new job. It's about me and that and that. Sometimes, I feel like disappearing. I feel like going away for a while by myself. But my life is not mine.

Peace at an Ungodly hour

5.30am... ungodly hour... going to church for 7am prayer. Argh... crucify me.
But in God's presence, how hard can my heart remain? Haha... I'm fine, got to work things out.

Just let me be

Cos' soon God will speak to me. I'll be fine. Just let me be.

Die me...

What can I say? Me is unimportant. Me is wrong. You are all right. I am all wrong. I agree with all your views, everyone of you and every one of yours. My head agrees. My heart does not. Am I allow to feel? Or do I also have to suppress it all? I have no rights anymore anyway. So whatever you all want me to, I'll just do. My life is not mine anyway. Make all the decisions for me. Decide my life. Decide where I should be and what I should do. Me is inconsequential. Me is negligible. Me is trivial. Just leave me out of every plan. Plan me in the plan, but don't plan about me.
Yup.

Me time?

Do you treasure or relish time alone? I do. Many times, I need to retreat into my own. Not sure if you understand. I just need to recharge from everything, especially overwhelming happenings. Too much stimulant for my sensitive soul.
But... got to sacrifice. Got to live for others. Me time has to decrease.
Father, let me know what You think, yah?