Swirling Thoughts in My Head

Need to self medicate

2011-03-07T11:40:00.004+08:00

On leave today. Feel horrible. Feel like the world's worst church leader and the world's worst person. Feel like a loser. Feel that the world will do better without me. Feel that I would be better off not existing.

But I know. I can't live like this. I need to self medicate. I am sick. I need to pray. I need my God. So I shall pray.

so Devil, buzz off. Quit screwing my mind. I belong to my Jesus.

On the verge

2010-11-22T17:12:00.001+08:00

I might just give up.
I have no substance anyway...

unhappy

2010-11-20T23:30:00.001+08:00

Can I have time to myself?

please?

Oscar award

2010-11-18T17:27:00.002+08:00

Oscar award goes to me for being the best actress.
I am feeling wayyyyy.......... down.
But no one knows. No one sees.
I'll just pretend that I am ok.
Don't want to bring anyone down along with me.

Top on my mind is... we are unequally yoked. He is an amazing guy and leader. I am not there. May never be there.
Am I bringing him down? Am I a stopper to his growth and destiny?

I don't feel good.
I don't want to talk about it. I know what they'll say... "you are an awesome leader"
But at this point, I can't believe it.

... ... ...

Satan, get behind me. In Jesus' name.

Consequences Consciousness

2010-11-15T13:12:00.002+08:00

I was about to blog about the crazy thing that came into my mind just now, while waiting for the traffic light... what happens if I just get knocked down and died? ...then as I logged into my blog (which I thought no one actually reads, so that I can vomit out the things inside of me freely), i saw a comment on my previous emo entry from "blessedone"... then I became aware of the things that I blogged about can have consequences... I can either bless and edify someone, or bring someone down with me...

To those who actually read my crazy thoughts, I usually blog when I am emo. Emo is not right. Don't ever let me drag you down.

When I am down, I need an outlet. This is my outlet. I grew up writing a diary. that's where I release the tensions inside of me.

And when I am down, I seek God. This, you may follow.
Just don't follow my craziness.

Valleys Valleys

2010-08-31T11:20:00.001+08:00

Valleys Valleys...
When I am down, I will trust in You.
When I am down, I will praise You.

not pastor material

2010-08-31T11:09:00.002+08:00

Maybe I am just not pastoral enough. Maybe I am not cut out to be a church leader.
Maybe it's just me.

Broken hearted

2010-08-31T10:01:00.003+08:00

What is it about Singaporeans starting a new job or starting out at work, that makes it sooooooo hard? worse. Christians who drop God and church cos they can't cope at work.
I don't get it.
When the going gets tough, you cling onto God. Not leave Him.
I really don't get it. really.
We owe Him everything. He doesn't owe us.

Lady D

2010-06-22T21:29:00.002+08:00

Love my Lady D. Today's her Birthday.

So happy that God has healed her and today we celebrate her life. She is full of life. That's it. Jesus came so that we can have life and have it abundantly.

that's Lady D's life. It's abundant.

Thank you Jesus!

Make me assuredly yours Lord

2010-06-14T22:28:00.002+08:00

At the point of a new valley. New downs. New levels, New devils.

But I know, I believe that with every valley that I am in, every Goliath that I fight in the Valley, new territories, new levels of faith will arise.

Father, I will never let You go.

All that I am is Yours. Make me assuredly yours.

Frustrated

2009-07-05T10:58:00.002+08:00

I is frus-ed. Nothing is moving in the natural.
Lack of respect of leaders.
Lack of initiative
Lack leaders
Lack in strong and tough leadership
The guys are not moving.
I is frus-ed.

...............
Where are all the leaders?
God! Help!

Gratefulness

2009-06-15T09:43:00.002+08:00

Received a complement from Japan ops about my good service. Hmmm... I really didnt do much for them.

Whereas there are others, where I went all out to help. Beyond the extra mile. Went out of my scope, went out of my way. Got reprimanded for helping too much and spoiling the market... yet... received complaints on me, when in the end, I had to deliver bad news.

Well... it's true. There are some people who are just grateful. There are some, who are just ingrates.

Be tough

2009-06-02T23:14:00.002+08:00

Girl. Just grit your teeth. Smile. Shut up. Act tough... then BE tough.
Work. Say yes to your boss. Even if they tell you to say no.
Be reminded: Do NOT have any expectation that people at work are like people in church. Church is a beautiful shelter. Workplace can be really ugly.

Secrecy can cause suspicion and insecurity, if one does not trust those above.
But when there is trust, there is security.
The former is found is the workplace.
The latter in church.

I am thankful... that HOGC taught me that there are trustworthy humans around. Otherwise, my past sceptism will creep back and latched onto me.

Girl. Be tough. Be very tough.

Goshen, here we come!

2009-05-27T14:42:00.000+08:00

Goshen!

change?

2009-05-27T14:41:00.001+08:00

Major change not happening... sigh. I supposed it's almost impossible. Maybe my idea isn't that feasible afterall. Anways.... *shrug*

I want to be a CHANGE AGENT!

2009-05-18T11:26:00.003+08:00

Some thing that I wrote to my bosses in response to their request for my input on changing the structure. Sensitive info are removed.

QUOTE

Thought about some things over the weekend. Maybe can kick start a change in concept or shift in paradigm about the job nature of our team.
It started by thinking why ops is being measured for its service levels to the front. So we have surveys to measure their satisfaction to our service levels. So the sales team (ST) becomes our clients and we, as ops, provide a service to the ST.
Question: Is ops the only other department being measured for its service levels? What are about other departments that are "providing" some sort of assistance or work to ST? I mean are Legal/compliance or Credit or network or HR being measured for its service levels to the ST? Is there a sruvey for these departments?
Question: If indeed there is a survey for these other departments (say Legal or Credit), why is it in deference to the ST? By "in deference" to the ST, it puts other departments (who are measured for its service levels, including ops) below the ST's ranks and in an unequal (I dare say, lower) plane.
The point is not to request that other departments (Legal or Credit) to become service providers.
The point is for ops to become on par with Legal or Credit, as BUSINESS PARTNERS to the ST.
I would prefer for ops to be empowered to become BUSINESS PARTNERS with the ST, not service providers.
This can potentially be a major shift in paradigm for all.
The downside of internal client servicing is in the "innate" makeup of the concept of "customer service" where customer is always important, and so the service provider must always work to keep the customer happy. When "customer service" is applied internally within a business, the relationship between internal clients and service providers is susceptible to becoming abusive (as we all can see).
But there is hope. We as ops can become business partners, working side-by-side, on a level playing field, to serve the bank and one client (ie. The bank's clients). In this way, ops will cease to be in lower ranks to the ST, and become empowered. But what I just described, is a utopian world, a fantasy…

Just like Legal or Credit, have they ever be perceived as being in lower ranks? In my opinion, no.
So why is ops perceived as being in lower ranks?
Having said that, I know full well that sometimes, ops people tend to perceive themselves as being lower in ranks to the ST. As a man thinks in his heart, so he is. So the challenge at the ops' end is really to change ops people's mindsets about themselves.
And the challenge to the ST, is to stop perceiving ops as lower ranking personel and start treating ops as equal business partners.

UNQUOTE

I want to change things. I want to be a change agent.

but but... got to remind myself not to expect much changes... dont be illusioned, so won't be disillusioned.

I have great bosses and team mates. That's all I need at work.

War

2009-05-14T16:39:00.004+08:00

Chao Ah Beng started a war in the office. Apparently, after scolding me, he scolded other people as well... make people angry...

Me is taking a back seat now.... Just going to watch. Out of hands now. My part is done.

Fight with the Chao Ah Beng

2009-05-13T17:02:00.003+08:00

Question: What happens when a Chao Ah Beng attacks an Ah Lian?

Answer: Ah Lian strikes back. Haha!

The Ah Lian is thinking about forming a girly snake gang to protect and defend any one who bullies members of the snake gang. Haha...

Just let the Ah Lian fantasize about taking revenge.... Ah Lian is no angel. Ah Lian is just human...

Got to

2009-05-04T16:25:00.002+08:00

Pastor Lia's sermon on anointing was so powerful. That was Saturday. Now it is Monday. Stil feeling high.

So scared of losing the "high"

Got to keep it. Got to keep it.

Got to pray.

Got to be soaked in the OIL.

Got to be soaking in this oil. Cannot lose it.

Lose it. Lose my sanity. Lose my life.

Prayer: Inhabit ALL my world

2009-05-03T11:16:00.002+08:00

Was down for a while. My bad. Allowed the burdens of this world to get me down. Didn't renew my strength in God.

But got up! Prayer last week was: Take my world. Just inhabit ALL of it.

ALL means ALL.
Nothing less than ALL.

Pastor Lia's sermon was powerful.

God's number for me this season, showed clearly in my mind's eye.
"From 10 to 20".

I need to re-start my engine and run. 2000 is approaching. I need and want to bear the burden.

Even when I was down. All I longed for, was church and God. Seriously. I have lost interest in my job. Haha

be courteous

2009-04-09T13:33:00.001+08:00

Some of the people in my office needs to know this mantra....

Courtesy is for free
Courtesy is for you and me.
It makes for gracious living and harmony
Giving a friendly smileHelping out where we can
Trying hard to be polite all the time

Courtesy is for free
Courtesy is for you and me.
It makes for gracious living and harmony
Living could be a treat
If people are awfully sweet
Courtesy could be our way of life

Courtesy is for free
Courtesy is for you and me.
It makes for gracious living and harmony
It is rude to be abusive
Just to prove we're right
Instead we could be nice about it if we tried
Make courtesy our way of life.

Exciting youthful days

2009-04-05T11:10:00.002+08:00

Heard some "news" over the pulpit yesterday. Very very exciting and happy! cant wait to hear more!
Wished I was younger. Wished I could grow up in HOGC again...
hahaha..... I missed all these things in my youth.
But I have the best man. I prayed for him since 20. ;p

More than me

2009-02-25T21:36:00.002+08:00

In general, people likes my hubby more than me. He is calmer, nicer, sweeter and everything-nice+er.
On most days, I will be like *shrug shoulders* or *yah, what's new?*.
But today, don't know why, I feel envious.
Silly me.
Well ok.
Alright.

...

*shrug shoulders*

*yah, what's new?*

Mittelschmerz

2009-01-08T11:25:00.001+08:00

Only 20% of women get it. Jackpot for me. As if my monthly pains isn't enough, I have to deal with mid-cycle pains as well... sigh...

Hiatus

2008-12-10T08:12:00.000+08:00

In state of hiatus.... cos too busy with stuff. But that's usually a good thing for me. Write soon!

My Privilege

2008-11-02T23:09:00.002+08:00

Thought: Why did God choose to put me in the best church ever?

I am chosen for the foundational 1000. The birthright is mine. It will never be despised for a cheap bowl of lentils - whatever that "lentils" may be.

What an honour. What a privilege.

What have I done to deserve this? Nothing. ;p

Make them "swoon"

2008-09-29T20:49:00.002+08:00

Queen of Sheba had "no more spirit" in her when she saw the wonders in King Solomon's palace. That's what I desire - that HOGC's guests will swoon when they see God's glory.

"Servanthood with class". That's what my Pastor Lia prophesied to me. I was so touched when she told me what God said to her when I was serving. He said that "my servant's face" is "glorious". He sees me. And that's all that matters.

Then there was a prayer for "emotional strength" to drive away "self doubt". I am thankful. My Pastors knew.

Aside to career, all's well. Training sessions are good. My bosses are happy with me. My colleagues are wonderful. I get a thrill in handling tough issues. All that hard work in my former bank paid off. Now, I get some stature. It's the beginnings of leadership. I will make it. Best of all, I get to go home early! ha!

Lack of Faith

2008-09-15T00:44:00.003+08:00

A brief but impactful conversation between me and my beloved Pastor Lia went like this:

Pastor: You like things to be done well one hor?
Me: Of course.
Pastor: But you know, people like that tend to be very hard on themselves one.
Me: Yah, I am.

Haha... I believed my Pastors knew. I mean... nothing escapes them, cos nothing escapes Holy Spirit and God's discernment and wisdom in them.

Am I too hard on myself? The brief interlude set my mind waves on a many flashbacks. In sec school, I cried my eyes out when I didn’t get an A1 for my maths, even though I got an A2. I was depressed in JC cos my grades really sucked. I was happy in Uni because I did well in school. Anything less than an A cannot do. I pushed myself hard.

Still, I have had failures in my life that reminded me that I cannot live from success to success. Only Jesus satisfies.

Still, I know. I am nuts about details and doing things right. When others fall, I try to comfort them, saying that we all learn from mistakes. When I fall, I chastised myself.

Alright. Lesson learnt. Pastor has effectively showed me something, even if she did not mention it directly. That is, I lacked faith. Faith that knows God will always pull me through stuff. Faith that moves mountains. Faith that says that all things are possible. Faith that brings incomprehensible peace.

Father, forgive me for my lack of faith. Thank you for always seeing me through.

Myriad of stuff in my head

2008-09-10T22:48:00.003+08:00

Yeh. That's what it is. A myriad of thoughts - angry, faith-filled, gratefulness, helplessness, loneliness... good stuff, bad stuff and too many stuff... Is it because my brain's underemployed again? only the brain seemed underemployed, my schedule's packed to the max. Sometimes I could hardly breathe.
New role at my new job. Just 2 months into the new company and there I am, taking on new challenges... now I have to give training? Wow... me? hahaha... what a laugh! But no, I cannot laugh, cos it's the beginnings of leadership.
Last week, Pastor Lia reminded us about God's kairos timing for everyone in our church. That these are times of the beginnings of leadership. As much as I am nuts in my head and my emotions going all over the place, God's grace and mercy to me remains. He knows that I am in the dumps now, emotionally and spiritually. Still, He raises me up and pushes me alongside the express path of my accelerating church. In a way, my struggle is with flesh. I know. I know. I am not there, but because of His grace and mercy to me, He keeps me. I struggle to dampen the pace, He hastens me.
Father, just don't let me let you go.

Ba Boom!

2008-09-02T08:04:00.000+08:00

G for Gero.
Bo Liao...
hahahahaha!!!!!!!

One!

2008-09-01T07:53:00.001+08:00

Uno!

Two!

2008-08-31T09:37:00.001+08:00

...Just the two of us, we can make it if we tried. Just the two of us, you and I (Yehshua & D)...

;-)

And... we are down to THREE!!

2008-08-30T11:37:00.002+08:00

just 3 more days and 21 pills left!

I love Lady D!

Four!

2008-08-29T09:00:00.001+08:00

And.... we are five days closer to the end!

2008-08-28T09:07:00.001+08:00

Six

2008-08-27T08:41:00.000+08:00

Seven!

2008-08-26T09:12:00.001+08:00

耶稣,我的平安

2008-08-25T12:40:00.000+08:00

我从来不曾怀疑过, 到底你有多么爱我
我生命里的每一分钟, 都有你看顾着我
有的时候黑暗临到
有的时候巨浪狂风
我心依然满有平安
因为有你看顾我
我的主

不管前面道路有多困苦
耶稣你永远是我的帮助
只要有你在我生命中永远看顾
我必能一路永跟随我的主

Somehow the chinese version of this song appeals more to me in this point of my thought life.
haha.

Huat ah!

2008-08-25T08:25:00.001+08:00

Hanging on

2008-08-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

Running a fever and nursing pharyngitis... urgh... no wonder I was so lethargic for the whole week.
Physical aside...
I feel as if it spiralling downwards. I am tired. Not enthuse about stuff as much as before.
But I will hang on.
Sometimes, I just want to go see my mom. But schedule's packed, and with the flu... urgh...
Another long week starts again tomorrow. Stuff packed in for the day and for the night... sigh...
Just gotto hang on for while longer... the breakthrough will come.

Nine!

2008-08-23T10:50:00.000+08:00

Heaviness

2008-08-22T13:27:00.000+08:00

A heavy head and a heavy heart.
Head's heavy cos it agrees.
Heart's heavy cos it disagrees.
Am I schizo?
I dunno.
What I do know... it hurts.
I am now wishing that I do not exist. Just nothing. Then no pain, no joy, no nothing... now I sound like a Buddhist...haha..
And here I am in the office, acting like I am ok. There I was in church, acting like I am ok.
But all I want, is to be by myself. Just let me be. I need space. People and stuff and feelings are taking up space in my mind, and in my schedule, almost against my will. I feel so stifled.

All I want now... is to fly away alone and just be quiet.

Perfect 10

2008-08-22T05:56:00.001+08:00

10!

The countdown begins!

2008-08-21T08:59:00.001+08:00

2 more weeks, 1 last cycle

2008-08-20T05:54:00.000+08:00

It's Lovely D's last cycle of chemo. Then truly, that's it. NO more.
What a journey for her. I cannot imagine going through the spikes in ups and downs. She is so courageous.
My heart rejoices each time I think about how good God is, esp to her.
For me, I have never been more willing to fast and pray.

D's my heroine.
D's the IT gal in my life.

Word that proceeds from His mouth

2008-08-17T11:34:00.000+08:00

Matt 4:4 ... "Man shall not live on bread alone, but by the word that PROCEEDS from His mouth"

Not that word that had proceeded. But the word that is proceeding and that will proceed from His mouth.

Father, I need a fresh personal revelation for me in this season.

Watch this space. The Rhema shall come.

Confessions

2008-08-17T11:31:00.000+08:00

Power of confession... Here goes:

God's mandate for me is mine.
He empowers me.
I have a sound mind.
I am bold.
I am a leader.

Just confess it.

a Non-being

2008-08-15T08:00:00.000+08:00

Oftimes, I wished that I have no emotions, no soul. Then, I wouldn't feel. Hmm. But God created all of us otherwise, and for me, He put an extra dose of "emo" in me. Don't know why. But I am created in His image. I wonder if Jesus as a Man was ever emo before. Most likely. Haha! So He can understand me. So I can do what He did.

Still, I wonder what is it to be a "non-being".

I shall hang on no matter what.

Uneasy times in my head

2008-08-13T07:47:00.000+08:00

These are uneasy times for me. Nothing tangibly serious. Just super uncomfortable and super unadjusted. And it's not about work. I'm cruising through my new job. It's about me and that and that. Sometimes, I feel like disappearing. I feel like going away for a while by myself. But my life is not mine.

Peace at an Ungodly hour

2008-08-11T05:50:00.000+08:00

5.30am... ungodly hour... going to church for 7am prayer. Argh... crucify me.
But in God's presence, how hard can my heart remain? Haha... I'm fine, got to work things out.

Just let me be

2008-08-10T11:47:00.000+08:00

Cos' soon God will speak to me. I'll be fine. Just let me be.

Die me...

2008-08-10T09:55:00.000+08:00

What can I say? Me is unimportant. Me is wrong. You are all right. I am all wrong. I agree with all your views, everyone of you and every one of yours. My head agrees. My heart does not. Am I allow to feel? Or do I also have to suppress it all? I have no rights anymore anyway. So whatever you all want me to, I'll just do. My life is not mine anyway. Make all the decisions for me. Decide my life. Decide where I should be and what I should do. Me is inconsequential. Me is negligible. Me is trivial. Just leave me out of every plan. Plan me in the plan, but don't plan about me.
Yup.

Me time?

2008-08-04T22:38:00.000+08:00

Do you treasure or relish time alone? I do. Many times, I need to retreat into my own. Not sure if you understand. I just need to recharge from everything, especially overwhelming happenings. Too much stimulant for my sensitive soul.
But... got to sacrifice. Got to live for others. Me time has to decrease.
Father, let me know what You think, yah?

Day 1

2008-07-21T07:45:00.000+08:00

It's Day 1... again. And it's only the morning. And all I want is to go to church. Hahaha...

Man of Great Wisdom - Dr. Albert Schweitzer

2008-07-15T13:56:00.000+08:00

"I listened, in my youth, to conversations between grown-up people through which there breathed a tone of sorrowful regret which oppressed the heart. The speakers looked back at the idealism and capacity for enthusiasm of their youth as something precious to which they ought to have held fast, and yet at the same time they regarded it as almost a law of nature that no one should be able to do so. This woke in me a dread of having ever, even once, to look back on my own past with such a feeling; I resolved never to let myself become subject to this tragic domination of mere reason, and what I thus vowed in almost boyish defiance I have tried to carry out."

~Memoirs of Childhood and Youth~

Well said.

I am so in awe of this wise man. I am determined to lay my hands on ALL his books!

Return of Youthful Idealism

2008-07-14T14:19:00.000+08:00

Watched "Lions for Lamb" in church last saturday. It was a brilliant movie. The dialogue is just fantastic. I really applaud the scriptwriters. And thank God that there were subtitles, otherwise, really, I don't think I can catch half of what the show is about. The movie explored so many themes, both explicit and subtle, all beautifully intertwined together. The themes of governance and military propaganda, the deception of journalism, mentoring, fleeting youthfulness, politics of ethnic minorities, affirmative action, and what Pastor wanted us to focus on - the decline of idealism as we move into adulthood.

Idealism... Something I havent thought about in years. Looking back, I realised that the world was simpler and people were all nice. And all I wanted was for everyone to be nice to everyone. As a youth, I also grew closer to God. While in university, I spent time talking to God everyday. Everyday, I could hear the Holy Spirit. Sometimes, I even knew who was coming around the corner and who would walk into the room before the person actually arrives, cos I had to take some positive action as guided by Him. I was so joyful that it must have shown on my face, cos I had friends who asked me why was I so happy despite all the assignments. My world, then, was a fairytale in a bubble. I remembered that there were a few times, when doing my QT, I was just prompted to pray for myself that I would never backslide, that when things do bad, I must never let go of God. I prayed to God that He must never let me let Him go, no matter what. I am so thankful to God for those bubble years, where, retrospectively, He must been preparing me for what is to come.

The bubble burst when I went to work and when I went to this other church group. Things just happened and my idealism gave way to scepticism. Yes, I was sceptical. Although, my love for God grew cold at some point, I always remembered that prayer to never let God go no matter what. God is so good.

Last Saturday, I felt that God was telling me He was bringing idealism back to me, when He brought me into HOGC. Since I have experienced "realism" (whether imagined in my head or experienced in reality) in my adulthood, God is writing more faith into my life so that my mind will be renewed and will see things in the fourth dimension. Now, without the bubble, I am not naive, but with Jesus, I am not sceptical. I am living out an idealistic life in a realistic environment. I have hope in Jesus. All things are possible.

With God and HOGC, idealism has transformed my reality.

Father, etch idealism indelibly into my consciousness. May I never grow cold again.

Zipping around

2008-07-11T09:14:00.000+08:00

The brother's back from Shanghai. So the car went back to him. Well... I thought that it would be easy going back to public transport... so I thought. The past 2 weeks... have been... well... not difficult, but not easy... after the 2-hour journey from Ubi to my parents' home in Bukit Panjang... I was so convicted about picking up driving... FAST. The very next day, I went down to BBDC to sign up for the Final Theory test... Got to do it. Got to drive. Got to buy time. So yes, we are getting or own car. Hahahah!!! and I have already gone for my first driving lesson, not too hard to drive an auto car. So God, please help me to save money and let me pass at the next test. 8 years ago, I took the manual car test... well, hit the ramp, drove like a tortoise and without confidence... of course, fail lah. Couldn't re-take, was paid too low then. Yups, civil service really robbed me of my deserved pay... (ok ok... humility, pls), Now, I can afford to learn, but really got to squeeze time.
I want to drive my own car.

I am Lamininated!

2008-07-06T11:25:00.000+08:00

I am Lamininated! nope, no spelling error...

Just saw this video by Louie Giglio on a dear friend's blog... blew me away...

watch it >http://www .youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4

Laminin, a vital protein in our body, essential in holding body structures together. It exists in all human bodies. When God formed us, He left His blueprint in all of us. In Him, all things hold together.

I got a revelation of what it meant by "Christ in me", truly, in terms of body, soul and spirit. I know Jesus is in my spirit and I know Jesus saved my soul. I know Jesus lives in me... but now I know a little bit of how Jesus lives in me. Jesus holds me together. He is infused in physical being. He is infused in every part of me. I love knowing this. I love living this. I love my Jesus. I love my God. He is so awesome! Thank you Holy Spirit for opening my eyes to this.

Louie also preached about how astronomy has shown God's blueprint in the creation of the universe. When the hubble telescope was aimed at the black hole, this was what they

saw >>

WOW!!

It says in Colossians 1:15 - 20

Christ is the visible image of the invisible God.

He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation,

for through Him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth.

He made the things we can see and the things we can't see - such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world.

Everything was created through Him and for Him.

He existed before anything else, and He holds all creation together.

Christ is also the head of the church, which is His body.

He is the beginning, supreme over all who rise from the dead.

So He is first in everything.

For God in all His fullness was pleased to live in Christ,

and through Him God reconciled everything to Himself.

He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth

by means of Christ's blood on the cross.

God is great. His wisdom and thoughts are way way way way way.... above ours. None can fathom. I believed that whatever we learnt about anything on earth are really just a teeny weeny bit of a "mustard seed" compared to I-don't-even-know-how-big-it-can-get thing of God. I just cannot imagine. I cannot comprehend. My brain will just burst. It is my honour and privilege to understand a glimpse of His Glory.

;-)

Times of Refreshing

2008-06-17T22:04:00.001+08:00

Was really really tired... could have just pitied myself and vegetate on the sofa in front of the tv... but somehow, something prompted me to get up and worship God. And I did. And prayed. Was tough at first, felt distant from God, felt super unworthy... but I know I can come boldly to the throne of GRACE and obtain mercy and help in times of need. As I pressed on, God's presence just swept me over and times of refreshing came. I was reminded of a verse in Acts 3: 19 ... and "times of refreshing comes from the presence of the Lord"...

I am happy now.

=)

a tad tired. but I love my heroine

2008-06-12T23:34:00.000+08:00

Yeh, that's right. I'm a tad tired. Physically. No time to exercise. Wonder if it's an age thing. Being almost 31 *gasp* is no joke... maybe it's the age. Maybe it's the crazy work. But more likely, it's because I haven't spent enough time in His presence *guilty face*

Lovely D's birthday is drawing near. The big 3-0. What should I get for her? Although she was sick (emphasizing "was" cos it's no more), she has been encouraging me so much more. Did I mention what she did? I was down with gastric flu, meaning fever, puking and lao-sai-ing, for 3 days. But my MC was only 2 days. On the 3rd day, I went back to work, still sick, still lao-sai-ing (pardon my language). Too much work, and no time for lunch and dared not touch any food. D found out and rushed down from home to my office to pass me her potent lao sai pills - imodium. Wow. I was forced to eat lunch. Since she came to my office, I had to show her the panaromic view of the 49th and 50th floor... yes, we are above the Singapore flyer. It was the best lunch I have ever eaten in my office. Cross my heart.

She is my heroine and my inspiration. She does not know how she changed my life and my priorities. Her strength and desire to serve God and to be a leader made me ashamed. How can I not be inspired?

D, you are my leader. You have influenced me.

I digressed.

What can I get for this amazing lady? Father, can remove the stoma and stop the chemo by her birthday?

hmm....... think think think... Must do something dramatic.

Heart ache for Miss J, Miss J and Miss E

2008-06-09T07:41:00.000+08:00

Miss J, Miss J and Miss E.
One long time believer, one relatively new believer and one not-so-believer.
Don't break my heart, pls.

Miss J, why did you lower your standards?

Miss J, why do you not see that we only want you to be happy and not justify lawlessness?

Miss E. Have I lost you completely? So sorry. My love was not tough.

But I shall pray!

Analytical Junkie looks forward to Sunday!

2008-06-05T23:06:00.001+08:00

The banker's away. I did some selling... haha... albeit my limited knowledge. Made a couple of calls and sold a couple of products - ELNs and DCIs. What intrigued me was not the selling per se, but the understanding of the product itself and analysing it. I love it. I am a analytical junkie.
But that doesn't mean I am free from my daily admin chores. Urgh. Long working hours, 5 min lunch. Lost a bit of weight. Thankfully I force feed myself on weekends, otherwise, I may become a sack of skin and bones.

speaking about weekends... my Godson is coming to church this Sunday!! Woohoo! Father, do your wonders in his heart right now. Father, let Pst Joakhim's sermon, the new friends, the worship and most of all, Your awesome Presence touch him and melt his heart. Father, I pray for his salvation. I ask in Jesus' name, for his salvation. I believe it. I know it. I claim it. Thank you Jesus.

BB... Godma loves you.

Strange people

2008-06-04T07:46:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how rich people come in many forms.

One client screamed and argued with me over a few meagre dollars. It shocked me, cos I never quibble over such money. My mom never did that. My dad never did that. My friends aren't like that. I wondered what is a few dollars compared to her massive wealth. I reckoned that if she comes to HOGC, she will be shocked beyond shocked by generosity. I am skeptical, though, about any possible change in area cos the concept of generosity and being "da fang" are just non-existent.

One client complained about me and said "I tell your supervisor". Wah. Threaten me ah. I tell my Father ah. I just missed some stupid cut off times. This is what happens when there is simply too much work.

Yet another client asks me every other day about how certain deposits were determined and if the rates given to him are the best.

But there are nice clients.

One chatted with me about my inclination towards going back to school to study again.
One encouraged me to hang on.
One asked me about my family life and urged me to go home early.

I am counting down to Independence day.

And I resolved not to behave like those idiots in the first category when I become a client myself.

Monday Blues

2008-06-02T07:49:00.000+08:00

Tell me why I don't like Mondays
I want to shoot
The whole day down .................

Urgh.

Earworm music playing live!

2008-06-01T01:10:00.001+08:00

Strange. Just after I blogged about the earworm, my husband is playing that very song in the living room! Haha! Supernaturally natural.

;)

Spiritual Earworm

2008-06-01T00:24:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had a earworm before?

I have. I had one just today.

Checked up Wikipedia for a definition of earworm -

QUOTE
Earworm, a loan translation of the German Ohrwurm, is a term for a portion of a song or other musical material that becomes "stuck" in a person's "head" or repeats against one's will within one's mind
UNQUOTE

But what happens when the song in your mind is a song which sings out of a desire to worship God and links directly to how you are feeling towards towards God at that point? That, people, I call "Spiritual Earworm". Perhaps Holy Spirit is singing the very song in my heart and is prompting me to sing to God. And I did, and I felt God just melting any hardness in me away. And I came boldly before the Throne of Grace.

And this is my spiritual earworm today. A song written by a very very talented KC from City Harvest Church.

God of my youth I remember
Your call on my life took me over
Your love has seen me through all my days
I stand by Your grace
On this altar I’ve written my life
Tells of a story I have with You my Lord
I want the world to know

God of my forever
And forever I’m with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever
And forever I will sing
My greatest honor will always be
To serve my Lord and King

God of my all
I’ve surrendered
My heart finds rest in Your word
Praises will not be enough to show
How my love for You has grown
Nothing matters when You’re here with me
In the end just to hear You say “well done”
Bowing before Your throne

Forever and ever
Jesus You alone in glory reign
Forever and ever
With You I walk this narrow way

;)

Source of my constant dissatisfaction: Spiritual Barren-ness

2008-05-31T13:36:00.000+08:00

Yeap. That's the answer. I have been feeling really sick and tired of my constant dissatisfaction with life. Found the answer, hit me hard in my heart, via Pastor Tan's sermon last night. Found the answer - Spiritual Barren-ness, and re-realised the solution - P.U.S.H - Pray Until Something Happens.

I knew it. My spirtual life and my prayer life is way down hill. Sorry God. I didn't rely on the Holy Spirit.

I may be real hardworking at my job and really, these days, the management takes notice of me and my contributions and are vocal about giving me the recognition. Recently, due to some situation, my big boss told me that my advice has helped to bring 100 mio into the bank (don't know which currency though, probably SGD or CHF). Wow. Was feeling over the top for a moment and was re-considering my resignation. But but... the euphoria dies within the day, by night time, I still felt dissatisfied. I worked hard and until late almost everyday. And I am good in my job. Got the recognition from people and management, but but I felt that I have not done anything, despite doing many things in the office. Dissatisfaction. Why? I found the answer last night.

Spirtual Barren-ness.

Simply unacceptable.

I want to see souls saved! I want to be used as a tool to bring people into God's Kingdom. I want to see them in heaven.

I have resigned. I was struggling with my decision to resign because my boss and my banker are darn good to me. And I have peace and quietness in my current working environment. "Free" from politics, cos I chose not to listen and chose to stay away from political stuff. But I am so busy, that I don't have time to make new friends, let alone have lunch even. And working till late at night gives me little time for anything else. Just to make it to Pastor Tan's sermon on a Friday night, meant that I have to take 1/2 day leave, otherwise, it will be a real struggle to make it to the service even. I have little time and energy to worship and pray. I want, but my flesh is so weak. By the end of the work day, I am physically exhausted, but mentally, I know I have done little. Even worse for spirtually, I have done absolutely nothing. And my current colleagues... gosh, most of them are Christians. Other Christians may jump for joy at this, but not me, I want non-Christians. Haha!

I want to be close to the Holy Spirit again. I want to hear His voice like I used to. I remembered those times. So real. And really, I thank God for those days, when I could hear the still small voice and then see things in the natural. Personal experiences with the Author of my faith made me resolved never to let God go, even in times when I don't hear the still small voice. Because I have experienced His realness. No doubts about it.

I got my new job. Was told that the intensity is only 20% of my current job and can go home on time and can have time for lunch. Systems are lousy. But I will work hard to improve things. And I can still do the advisory work that I enjoy. And best of all, I can have time to influence new friends (hopefully they are not Christians) and can have time to worship God with my strength and energy.

I am not sure if my thinking is right. So God, show me if I am wrong, let me see things in Your perspectives.

I love Jesus!

and my lovely friend, D, is more than well ;)

Zilch!

2008-04-02T07:38:00.000+08:00

Never been so glad to use that word. "Zilch"

Zero
Nil
None
Gone
Disappeared
Destroyed
Dead

Simply "no more"

D told us about the histology report on the tumour the doctors removed. No cancer cells!! None!! Praise God!! We believed. Now we see.

Now, we are just waiting for the tumour board to confirm that D is completely cleared, then that's it. No more chemo and RT. This is what we are going to pray for and for John 11:4.

Amen!

John 11:4

2008-03-30T16:50:00.000+08:00

"This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it." - John 11: 4 -

This verse dropped into my heart yesterday during service, and again, during my QT today.

D, we are all praying for you. We have faith that God has already healed you. We love you dearly. And personally, you are my Heroine.

This episode will be for God's glory, for people to turn to Him.

Looking forward to D's testimony.

Long work days...

2008-03-30T16:30:00.000+08:00

Don't know how many more 12 to 14 hours days can I take... Work is too admin. Intensed like mad, no time to pee, no time to eat. Don't get me wrong... intensed as it is, it is BORING. Honestly, I feel like a bimbo. Buying cakes for clients, picking up cheques, depositing cheques, chasing people to get work done...duh...
But I asked for it, right? yup.

Tsk. But just let me grouse and be real, can?

One year. I think I will only try this position for one year. Cannot let my brain rot. Maybe God wants me to be more administrative? Maybe God wants me to be more bold in speaking to rich and important people? Maybe.

Stop.

Nonetheless, I thank God that I have a job, despite news of global retrenchment for my company and the Chairman's pay cut by 90%.

My grouse is that last week, I had to go to church for a meeting at 7.30pm, which means I have to leave office by 7pm latest. But my boss had to give me work at 6:50pm and wanted me to do it immediately. I told her bluntly that I have to leave cos I have a church meeting. She said "oh. But do this first."
!@*(&^&*!^@#!
I did it in a rush. No way is she going to stop me from leaving. I was so tempted to cast some demons out of her. (of cos I didn't)

Then this week, I had CG, and on purpose, I told my banker that I have church that evening, and I will leave by 7pm, by hook or by crook, and they cant stop me. Thankfully, he covered for me. He told the rest of the bankers not to dump work on me.

Then of cos, the other weekday nights when I do not have church meetings, I work till late. I just wanted my boss and the bankers to know that I will work hard and work late. But when I have church, I will not hesitate to leave the office. Guess I have to "educate" my new team that church is my priority.

Since Dec 2007, work and career no longer holds a big place in my heart. Something's changed.

What's your vision, my child?

2008-03-16T12:23:00.000+08:00

I really don't know... God. It is somewhat vague and blurred.

Yesterday, Pastor Lia preached about the all-elusive Vision. Elusive to me because mine's vague, obscure, intangible and indefinable. Nonetheless, there is no denying that vision is important and powerful. Without vision, one is rendered almost ineffectual, almost useless, dead. There would be no purpose to live then.

But not for me. I can't be visionless. That is not reflective of my God. My God is a God of visions.

It's my own fault and laziness that got me into this stage. I should have written stuff down as and when I felt that I had a burden.

Birth of a vision begins with a burden. What are you burdened for? What am I burdened for?

Let's start with what I detest, maybe that would help.
1) Injustice
2) Bullying
3) Betrayal
4) Inferiority complex
5) Self-righteousness
6) Lowly sadistic people who RELISH in discouraging people.
and more ... ...

What I admire:
1) Strength
2) Uncompromising
3) Joy
4) Faith
5) Security in God
6) Lavishing praises on others
7) Protecting the weak... I wish I had superpowers so that I can zap bullies.
8) Oprah Winfrey... yes, I love her work. I admit it.
and more ...

I know... I already knew in my heart. My burden has always been for people with low self-esteem. I was there once. I am still managing it. My real dream is to get people's self esteem up by showing them that they can be secured in God. That God loves us no matter how lowly we think of ourselves. That we do not have to do, we only have to be. Be His child. His beloved child.

And and ... I love to lavish praises on people. I learned to do that by watching my church leaders. Find all the praise-worthy things about people, and tell them. I love to encourage people, esp the down and out.

And and ... I have a tendency, an inclination to want to fight against injustice. I hate bullies. If not for God's wisdom and timely interception, I would have gotten into trouble shooting my mouth off because of this tendency.

And and ... I want to build my church. It is my privilege to serve. And it is my privilege to give.

But now comes translating all that into an action plan. What exactly is that? hmm... Can I let God decide?

Despite my career in the private banking arena, I know, deep down, that I still want to be an image consultant. But that has to wait.

But I will be a leader.

New beginnings

2008-03-09T11:23:00.000+08:00

Started on my new posting. Back to being new, blur and small. New team is definitely quieter, more prim and more proper. Makes me miss my colleagues in ops, where it is rowdier and louder, which is very nice.
New work is ok. Not that I am passionate about it (yet... put disclaimer first, who knows, I may like it very much). Done nothing significant. Collected a few cheques, did a few rollovers... a lot of scanning and photocopying... mmm... no wonder my feedback to the NUS master programme was that my masters is totally unapplicable to my career... hahah. Not the programme's fault, just my latter irrelevent choice of career.
But got to be humble. Got to learn.
While I am doing all the admin and mundane stuff now, I hope to learn the motivations behind all those trades. What makes the client invest in this? What makes the client sell? What are products that will be good for what kinds of client? Very interesting. Never imagined myself to be interested in these things. How people can change over the years. I thank God for these learning opportunities. Only He can arrange for such things for me.
God is good. His timing is always perfect. I waited for this transfer for 3 months. 3 months ago, the bosses allowed my transfer. 3 months ago, the company was looking at increasing headcount. There came my opportunity. 3 months later, now, there is a headcount freeze. Wow. Just imagined, if God had not timed it so perfectly, I would never have gotten my transfer. And if my former manager has released me earlier, i.e. before March, my bonus may not be secured. So wow again. God is good. Oftimes, I never understand why God "delays" stuff, even good stuff, but always, always, once the hindsight is reached (in the forward days), God always reveals that His timing is always perfect.
My God is perfect and good.

I hate bullies

2008-02-20T10:22:00.000+08:00

Full Stop. No need to explain.

I found my friends!

2008-02-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

Wow! Found my sec school friends on facebook! it's amazing. Although much older in physical age... goodness me... that was like 15 years ago...., the mischevious ways never changed. I guess that's why our parents can always know what we are up to. Somehow finding them on facebook makes me want to do naughty things to teachers again... kekeke... I wish I could return to those days and break rules just for fun.
I really missed those days. No work, no worries, no commitments. Just have to study hard. That's it.
God... can I go back to the past? hahaha... that's a real dumb question. Surely, He will never answer that. Oh well...
okie, just let me get over the nostalgia.
Meanwhile, D is getting better. She is healed as far as I am concerned. Her faith is inspiring. Now, with this episode, I can add to my list of God's miracles. Do God's miracles ever end? NO! haha! I love my God.

Have they forgotten about God?

2008-01-09T21:24:00.000+08:00

Just got re-acquainted with some of my JC friends... Has been a long while since we left JC... almost 13 years? hmm... thanks to facebook, I kinda found them again. Looking through some of their profiles, I see that most of them are doing very well in their careers and some are married with kids. Some of them were Christians together with me in JC, but ... sadly, when I read their profiles or message them, God does not seem to exist in their lives. One of them, in particular, used to be so enthuse about church and God... but in his blog, it is all about dance, media, gatherings, food, mah jong and even hints of ranchy stuff... I mean... these were the people I hung out with in JC 1 and 2. But I also remembered not having a good feeling about them and "ostracising" myself from them... somehow, as I became more interested in church and God, I just don't want to hung out with them. Just don't want to be yoked with them. Wasn't comfortable with the dirty jokes and the idle-ness of life.

Those of us who remained Christians till now, are still serving and enthuse about God and church. While I don't profess to be a perfect Christian, as I have many many flaws, I am glad that my God hung onto me. He never lets me go, despite seasons of dryness and rebellion in my Christian life. Thank you Jesus for not letting me let you go.

Thinking of pulling them back into His kingdom... hmmm... Just do it.

Everything's gonna be ALRIGHT in the ALMIGHTY's hands

2008-01-05T11:31:00.000+08:00

D had her first radiation therapy yesterday. She was so fatigued from the treatment and chemo pills that she could not go out in the evening. But the hubby and I were determined to bring her the books which the hubby bought for her to inspire her on God's love and will for her to be healed. So, we set off to buy a bouquet of flowers (her fave: Sunflower), a cushy bear called Snuffles and donuts. But we forgot to get her ice-cream even though we talked about it so much. Hahaha... Went to her house last night, with the intention to pass all the gifts to her parents, so that D can have undisturbed rest. But her handsome dad (now I know where D got her lovely looks from) insisted that we came in. D was in a good mood. She has been reading faith and healing books and listening to sermons from the ipod which the CGLs bought for her and also to worship music. I can just sense that her faith level is so high. And God responds to faith. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. But with faith, anything is possible. D will be healed. Visiting D really lifted my spirits. I am inspired by her. So much faith. Blows my mind.

Just 2 days ago, my colleague suddenly stood up and said to me, in the office, that I looked as though I am glowing. Wow. What a compliment. I didn't do anything special to my appearance. In my heart, I knew why. I feel closer to God in this period. I was down, but He lifted my spirits. In bad situations, I decided to praise God. Plus I am inspired by D's faith and courage. Also, after that less than ideal job appraisal, I have realised that pursuing that career is not that important. I will work hard and smart nonetheless, but the priority has lessened. So I am more relaxed at work now.

Still I wondered if I did anything right at work. Have all my hard work and going the extra mile in my client servicing efforts all gone down the drain? I told God that it didn't mattered anymore. But God is great. When I have already accepted the fact of the appraisal ratings, God showed me that they are people who appreciate my efforts, mainly my internal clients. In just a span of 2 weeks, there were 3 persons who asked me to join their teams in the frontline. haha! Those are sufficient rewards for me. Of course, I couldn't agree, since I have already agreed to a transfer in early December 2007. Thank you God for showing me that my hard work has been recognised.

And the car is coming back today!

So, see. Everything's going to be ALRIGHT in my ALMIGHTY's hands.

Busy-ness... picking up again

2008-01-04T08:36:00.000+08:00

Ooh...... it's January again. Can feel the markets picking up again. Gearing up for a busy year again.
But I am determined never to miss any church event. Ha. maybe except that trip to Hong Kong. oops.
Going out with D tonight! She will be well. By faith, we know for sure. =)

This HSP is well rested

2007-12-28T23:21:00.000+08:00

Just read a book by Dr. Elaine Aron on the Highly Sensitive Person. I sighted the book at MPH not too long ago. It attracted me at first sight, or rather, first glance. It wasn't difficult for me to know that the description fitted me like a glove.

Are you one also? check it out in the website > http://www.hsperson.com/

The main questions that Dr. Aron asked her "patients" include:

Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?
Do you get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?
Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?
Do you make it a high priority to arrange your life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?
Do you notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?
Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?

My answer to all of these are YES, YES, YES.

Today is a good day for this HSP. No work, no leaving of the house, no one around me. Just me and my books and my thoughts. What a good rest.

Wonder if Jesus was a HSP.
Wonder why God made me a HSP. I believe He created a need in me for Him. The world is too overwhelming for me. So I run to my secret place to meet with Him.
Wonder how can my HS traits be used for His glory. Hmm... I believe He made HS traits to bring His love and sensitive sides to His people.

Sensitivity may not be viewed as a positive thing to most people. But to God, it can be a gift. I will use this gift.

Most of my blog entries are not about the actual things that happened, but about what I am thinking about. That is perhaps the reason why this blog is called "Swirling thoughts in my head", and not "Eventful activities in my life". (:

I can only imagine

2007-12-28T20:47:00.000+08:00

*touched*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gm7XwtIJdM

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever Forever worship You
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When all I will do Is forever, forever worship you

*in awe*
*in tears*

2 Angels

2007-12-25T12:25:00.000+08:00

Yups, it was a horrible week. D's diagnosis was devastating. But she will recover. Jesus is the healer. We all have faith.

It is not about me. I kept those painful episodes of the week in my heart, didn't want to talk about it to anyone. Because it is not about me.

But God never forgets me. He knows that I was reeling with pain inside. So He sent 2 angels - Pastor How and Pastor Lia.

A casual "how are you?" opened up the flood gates. I held the tears back, cos I still had duty to do. But they knew. It is all that mattered. My pastors love me.

Still, I told myself, "it is not about me".

Then, I got a card and a gift from my beloved pastors. Wow. They made me feel like "it is about me". Wow. I am blown away. God just wanted me to know that I am important and my pain is important to Him, amidst all the things that should rightfully get more attention.

Wow. My perspective changed. Some things are not worth fighting for. It is not about me. It is about loving God and loving people.

Time for me to raise up as a leader.

Bad Bad Bad week

2007-12-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

Just went through what was inarguably one of the worst weeks in my life.

PMS
Bad Appraisal
Bad boss
Discouragement
Betrayal
Disappointment
Heartache for a directionless girl
Realisation of my selfish nature (again)
A friend's cancer diagnosis

Just when I thought things could not possibly get any worse, someone banged into my car.

Tsk.

But I will PRAISE Him!

God's Hands

2007-12-23T11:09:00.000+08:00

Am upset with angry thoughts of a not-too-intelligent, self righteous boss. Feel like killing her. But in all circumstances, I choose to praise God and I choose to focus on God.

Was reminded of God's hands. Many years ago, I had vision of a hand piercing through the dark clouds, with lights beaming out of the fingers. The image comforted me. It was God's hands.

Just a few weeks ago, during a bible class in church, during the ministry time, I had thoughts about a small girl facing troubles in the world. As the girl looks up to heaven and reaches out to God, He scooped her up and carried her in His arms. She buried her face in His shoulders. Then she smiled at Him. He held her for a little while more and He put her down to stand beside Him, and held her tiny hand. Together, they looked down at the troubles. Then they turned to each other and smiled. He lead her down the stairs to return to the troubles. She walked down and stopped to look back at Him. He smiled and urged her "go on". She smiled and went back to the troubles. And she smiled at the troubles and kept looking upwards. That girl was me.

Today, angry at the injustice as I am, I and reminded of these images and God's hands.

Isaiah 40:12 states so clearly about God's big and mighty hands :-

"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hands,

Measured heaven with a span

And calculated the dust of the earth in a measure?

Weighed the mountains in scale

And the hills in a balance?"

Got this from a website:
QUOTE
The total volume of the oceans is 1.369x10^9 km3 =0.13% of total volume of the earth. This is a cube 1.369 BILLION kilometers or 850,696,600 miles on each side. This is approximately 687 decillion gallons of water. A decillion is one with 33 zeroes after it. A trillion is one with 12 zeroes after it. We assume that God used this measure once when He measured the waters in the oceans. Can you imagine a hand big enough to hold that volume of water in the small hollow of the palm?
UNQUOTE

God's hand can span the universe and He puts the stars in it place.
What is more than the sand of this earth? The stars.

Imagine. My God is that BIG.
So God, I trust in You.

"Into Your hand I commit my spirit;

You have redeemed me, O LORD God of truth ...

My times are in Your hand;

Deliver me from the hand of my enemies;

And from those who persecute me ..."

- Psalms 31:5,15 -

Love, Liu Xue

Missing in action

2007-12-21T11:57:00.000+08:00

hey all, Haven't blogged for a year already.... Many things happened. Too busy and too tired to blog. Work is still as intensed. Have I changed? yes, I have. But I still love God! That cannot change.

Now that not many people read my blog... maybe I can start again.

See you soon!

I Simply Live for You

2006-12-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

Beautiful song we sang in church today...

Say the word

And I will sing for You

Over oceans deep, I will follow

If each star was a song,

And every breath of wind of praise

It would still fail by far

To say all my heart contains

I simply live, I simply live for You

As the glory of Your presence now

Fills this place

In worship we will see You face to face,

There is nothing in this world to which you

Can be compared

Glory on glory, praise upon praise

You bind the broken hearted

And saved all my tears

And by your Word, you set the captives free,

There is nothing in this world that You Cannot do,

I simply live, I simply live for You

With love...

Revelations

2006-12-10T23:45:00.000+08:00

My first hand revelation received a while ago while blow-drying my hair...

"Second-hand revelations should inspire people to seek first-hand revelations".

Think about it.

In my context, I must up the standard of editing testimonies in church. They are as important as Pastor's sermon. They are also tools that God uses to speak to His people and to reach out to the unsaved. So, yes, up the standard of my ministry.

And...

I want many first-hand revelations.

Still in one piece

2006-11-06T11:03:00.000+08:00

Hey guys!

I am still in one whole piece. No weight lost, no weight gain. Still the same, except forced to be more patient with people who have no manners and people who forget that they are talking to a fellow human being with flesh and feelings over the phone. Yah, really leh, some people have absolutely no manners nor regard for people. Their lives are so sad. Worse is, they don't even know that their nicknames are listed on a hate list in the office, mind you, it is a real physical hate list. Anyway, heck. There is a minority of people who are damn grateful to my team for helping them. So for these people, we are contented to help.

Haven't blogged for weeks. Very busy at work. So busy that I have to force myself to take breaks. It used to be that I would have time to relax and share some tidbits with my colleagues in my former workplace, but now, siesta seems like a fantasy. Well, no complaints. This is what I asked for. I wanted faster pace and I wanted excitment. I hated boredom and now I have no time to be bored. I still haven't gotten the hang of things. Still don't understand all the stuff about market trading and bonds, equities, funds, etc. Haven't seen the big picture of why the whole bank exists to serve clients' almost incessant desire to accumulate more wealth. Hmm... maybe I will see the light soon. I don't see how I can contribute to this. Not meaningful, really. But I have no right to complain. I asked for this.

Haven't said that. I have made some new friends. Not as close as my former colleagues, but at least, I know we can become close.

Aiyah, my heart is not at work. My heart's in church, let's talk about church.

Anyway, Parachute Band came to my church last friday! Woo! and We also had a special guest artiste, Julia Grace, from New Zealand, the top top gospel singer in New Zealand, to perform a 2 songs for us. Her voice is totally angelic. I was mesmerrised by that beautiful sound. She looked great as well - dark hair, blue eyes. What a beauty! When Julia shared about how God gives you a dream and then things happened that make this dream seemed impossible and unreal, my heart started to break. I could feel tears at the edge of my eyes. Had to swallow that lump in my throat and control my tears, cos what Julia was sharing wasn't supposed to be make you cry. Julia said that 6 years ago, she came to Singapore and suffered a fracture in her foot. And God actually told her that He will bring her back to Singapore and she will do something more meaningful. 6 years later, last friday, Julia came to Heart of God Church, to sing and to ministerto us and to lead us into worship. What a way to fulfil a dream! I thought about that dream which God placed in my heart and all the things that happened or are happening, and I wonder, when will my time to fulfil that dream come? My dream and my purpose is to make people feel good about themselves, to redeem people's confidence. God, my dream is in your hands. Well, I have taken baby steps. My CG has graciously allowed me to do 2 events in that field already, and Pastors are allowing me to do something for new year's eve event as well. It's a small, but significant beginning.

okie, the lao gong and me are on leave today, will be meeting Alicia and Weena, to go see flowers to see what we can do for CREATE 2006. Yay!

Meanwhile, be good.

With love.

With Him, I am Strong!

2006-10-15T23:22:00.000+08:00

Hey Guys!

I am still alive! Kicking and well. Getting a little stressed out, and having more anxiety these days. But it's ok and manageable, it's like that with a new job, especially when it's a totally alien area. I wanted so much to go running in the park to de-stress, but shucks, the stupid haze is not helping things.

Anyway, I have some things to share with you guys while it is still fresh in my mind. I am so touched by 3 important ladies in my life - Charmayne, Cheryl and Pastor Lia... Hey, all three have names starting with the letter "C"! Pastor Lia's name is Cecilia. Hehe... I want to share about how these three C ladies really touched my life in the last 2 weeks when I was so stressed. Ok, let's start. Last week, I told Charmayne how crazy and stressed I was at my new workplace, how I hardly have time to drink water or pee or take a breather, and how everyday, I get scoldings from the "trading people", etc. Charmayne actually told me that she knew that this would come and had already foresaw that I would be feeling the strain. It amazed me how she knew that this would come. Yah, so it's really great to have spiritual leaders over you. I mean, Charmaybe did prophesy earlier that the humble beginnings would not be easy, but God will go with me. And she assured me that this stressful beginnings would pass and I would be feeling more relaxed in time and that it would not always be like that. She also told me that her sister, Cheryl, also felt the stress when she started working in her current job. I was quite surprised because I always think that Cheryl was always cool and collected, and won't face such stress in the new work. Moreover, Cheryl is really successful in her career. I am inspired, cos I also want to be just as successful and still serve in church actively. I want to do both well. Then on sunday, when I saw Cheryl, I rattled about the job to her and even started to cry. Cheryl was so sweet and she assured me to work hard in the initial times and the fruits would come. Cheryl also sms-ed me in the course of the week with this verse "My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in your weakness." Wow! I agree. In my weakness, God's strength is made clear and perfect.

And, finally, my Pastor Lia... I love her so much, you know. Blogging about Pastor Lia can make me cry. Talking about her also makes me want to cry. She sms-ed me something so made me so incredibly touched and this wasn't even a response to my sms. It was something which Pastor How and Pastor Lia initiated. Hey, my Pastors thought about me. How many of you have such a luxury? hehehe.... This is what Pastor Lia sms-ed me at 1:36am on 11/10/2006...

"... ... Praying for you. Work hard in this job. Lift up your head. God is on your side, so are we. Know that we believe in you. There is nothing you can't do once you set your heart to it. Meditate on the song I am sending you in the following sms. Sing it in your heart as you go to work tmrw... ...

As I look around,
As I gaze upon the mountains standing tall,
That towers on us all,
I feel my spirit rising,
I feel my faith is rising.
So I lift my hands,
I lift my hands.
Whom shall I fear,
I know You're near.
Your spirit over me,
Your strength will carry me.
By faith I will move the mountains,
And faith will open heavens.
So I look to You,
I look to my God.

With You, I'm strong.
With You, I'm free.
To change the world,
To be anything.
You're my faith in everything,
For nothing's impossible,
with You who is living in me."

eh, the sms very long leh... very "chiu sng" one leh.

Hehe... I will conquer all those mountains in my new workplace. Nothing's impossible. God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. I will not depise my humble beginnings. The least will be great. These are God's promises to me. I claim them all.

okies... next time, I may blog about what Pastor How shared about meeting each other's needs... and the funny story about Neil Armstrong, the first guy who stepped on the moon. Just attended Sky and Evelyn's wedding last saturday... I so wished I had gotten married in Heart of God Church and have Pastor How presiding over the wedding, cos he is so funny!

Anyway, time to sleep... Oh, before I go, just to say hello to some new friends - Nathan, Laura and Bethany, from Ohio. Hi guys, love talking to you. Hope you guys enjoyed your stay in Singapore and bring back happy memories of Singapore and Heart of God Church.

ok, zzzzzz............

Information Overload!

2006-10-04T22:48:00.000+08:00

Hey Guys!

It's been 3 long and busy days at my new workplace... yup, currently, I am really the least. Everything also don't know. thankfully, I have a few good colleagues who kept assuring me that things will be ok and that I will be able to pick up soon... except for one who kept saying very loudly that I have no experience and don't know anything. tsk. tsk. sigh... wat to do? it's true wat... not that the new colleague is not good, it's just her personality. Well, got to accept... it's about diversity, isn't it? Anyway, I keep reminding myself about the miracle of this new job and also God's word to me that "the least will be great".... And I missed my ex-colleagues!! I missed their rowdiness and the laughter... I missed the food at the old place. BUT BUT i don't miss my old job. No way!
okay... got to remember not to despise my humble beginnings... yupz!
got to go, am dead beat....zzzzzz...........

Humble Beginnings

2006-09-27T10:19:00.000+08:00

Had a great CG meeting last night where we worshipped God and then my CGL, Char, preached about our worship to God. During worship, Char also began to prophesy to each one of us. For me, God said that He saw how I struggled and how I picked myself up and I was told not to despise my humble beginnings as I move into my new career. That I am going to be like David, small shepherd boy, going to face Goliath. That God has brought me into this career to be a sheep among the wolves, than people will see God's glory in my life. Wow! That's great, isn't it?! That I should not depise my past, which I inferred as my previous job, and that God will use this past to help people in the future. Wow! I never knew that this past would be of any use.

Towards the end of the worship session, a verse popped into my head... it was something like "the least will become great". I forgot where it came from. I only knew that it had something to do with being child like and humble and that it's in the gospels. So this morning, I searched for this verse. I found it in Luke 9: 48 - "Whoever receives this little child in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me receives Him who sent Me. For he who is least among you all will be great." Amen!!

How assuring the prophecy and word were to me! I have nothing in me that can possibly be of any cerebral use in my new job, given my not-so-well-developed mathematical intelligence which therefore, translates to some degree of difficulty in picking up financial stuff. But I have God! I can do all things through Christ. When there is none of me, then, God's glory will be clearly evident.

Ps: was told twice that I had shared my testimony with dry, deadpan humour.... hehehe... I kinda like that. Didn't know I had that in me (;

Happie 2 Years!!

2006-09-26T13:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, 25 Sep 2006, was my lao gong and me's 2nd wedding anniversary! Married for 2 years le. 2 years of fun, 2 years of teasing and 2 years of togetherness. We loved being married. Almost everyday, we find something stupid and slapstick to laugh about. The lao gong is very easily amused by anything stupid, such as weird adverts on the tv or some stupid mistakes which I make, such as my typo on "delicious" and "delirious" and "HRD" and "HRS". He has been teasing me almost relentlessly the past few days... Anyway, we went to the Aspara at Goodwood Park Hotel for massage and scrub... I thought the scrub was great! Love the orange scent and the roughness of the salt grains. I had the Balinese massage while the lao gong had the Swedish massage. I chose the Balinese one because the therapist said that it was the hardest. It was hard alright... my shoulders are still aching from it... by it's not as hard as the shiatsu one which I had in Batam... wah, the shiatsu one had me crying "saya mati ah!" and the Indonesian therapist giggled at this lousy girl and assured me in her sweetest voice, saying "sayang, tak orang shiatsu mati" Back to the Balinese massage at the Aspara... I am not sure if I want to go there again... I mean, it's alright lah... but she focused too much on my shoulders and pressed and pressed and pressed on some points on my shoulders... quite pain leh... the pain not evenly spread out, unlike shiatsu... so wasn't as relaxed as shiatsu... But I do recommend the orange scrub though. Maybe you guys can try the swedish massage, cos the lao gong likes it.

We then went to Great World City to watch "John Tucker must die"... teeny boppy show lah... little chicks' flick... it was fun and relaxing to watch, no need to use any brain. Had some Macs fries with hot chocolate before that, wah really yummy... very long never eat mac fries le. Love it so much.

I am looking forward to tomorrow! meeting my mum in the afternoon, cos we are going to get me a real good handphone! I am looking for one with the best camera function. Have been so deprived for the past 6 years... while friends and my parents have the latest handphones with the best camera functions, or PDA or MP3... mine is just plain and functional for sms and phone calls only, cos my office didn't allow us to have handphones with integrated cameras. I am coming back with a VENGENCE!!!! Muahahahahahaha.......... try stopping me! Saw Jen Jen's N73 last friday, over dinner at my favourite peranakan restaurant, CASA BOM VENTO, at 467 Joo Chiat Road (I do free advert for them because the food and the ambience is really D*** good!!! it's not like they need any advertising anyway... Please guys, must make an effort to go there to eat the food before you die. The food's really to die for...) see lah... I digressed again... back to the N73... very cool leh... I am eyeing that.

okie... where to go for dinner on thursday with Emily and Carol? hmm.... any suggestions?

oh, btw, guys, I shared my testimony in church last sunday. If any one wants to read my testimony, sms me or email me, I'll send you the soft copy.

Foolish and Weak for His Glory!

2006-09-22T12:56:00.000+08:00

I was reminded of some verses in the bible regarding my testimony about having no relevant experience in banking and yet, getting a job in a big bank where at the interviews I talked about church and about serving as an usher.

"But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring nothing the things that are, that no flesh should glory in His presence, ... ... that, as it is written, "He who glories, let him glory in the Lord." 1 Cor 1:27-31

Less of me and more of Him. None of me and ALL of Him! Amen!

Emancipation!

2006-09-21T09:51:00.000+08:00

I am emancipated! Woo Hoo! Today's my second day clearing leave... going to meet lao gong's colleagues for lunch later today... Yesterday, I went to rebond the wiry mess on head, now, I look weird, cos all the hair "plak" on my scalp... but it's ok, it'll be ok in a week's time. Sat in the salon for 4 hours, was so urgent and hungry and thirsty... but it's all worth it... cos for 6 months, I'll have nice straight hair.... haha! Went to eat at delifrance at centrpoint, wah, not bad leh, restaurant style. I was seated and the waiter came to take my orders. I ate this delirious and rich chicken thing with mash potatoes, with d*** tasty wine/onion sauce. Yums! I "wallap" everything on my plate and wash it down with rich mocha coffee... wah, so satisfying. Everyone should eat at delifrance.
Got lots of stuff to do before I start work in Oct. Trying to lay my hands on this book called "clueless in banking"... later got MPH to find. Got to read up before I start work, cos I am a blank piece of paper when it comes to anything banking and finance and business. That's why my getting a job in the big bank is a miracle! God is good. Since I have nothing to me that would grant me a job in the bank, God's power and grace is shown greatly in my testimony. And I will work hard and ask God to help expand my ability to learn about banking and finance stuff, then God's power can be shown through me. What will I do without God? I think I will probably be dead or be really depressed until cannot function. Thank God for God, if no God, then no me. I definitely cannot function without God.
Hehe... during my last days at work, I went round the office to say my goodbyes and to pass gifts to the colleagues who mean something to me... So funny, you guys have no idea how many of my colleagues were not only happy for me, but they also told me that they want to resign. Even those whom I thought have it all going for them. One of them even said to me "eh, ask your Jesus to give us a job leh!" hahaha!!! I said, "ok lah... I'll say 'Jesus, can you btw give them a job too?" hahaha!! I really should have said "ask yourself lah!". Aiyah... too late.
okie, get back in here real soon.
ta!

I Feel Good!

2006-09-03T23:35:00.000+08:00

I know that the purpose of this blog is being fulfilled, cos some of you, my friends, have been reading it and sms-ing me about the stuff that I wrote in here. Hey! Thanks for giving me face man! Feel free to drop long comments if you want!

Ok... some of you have been "pestering" me for the story behind the delirious episode... well, here goes! I got the job at ***!!! Yippee!! Hey, I worked in my present organisation, let's call it "XYZ" for 6 long boring years. I remembered I spent the 1st three months in XYZ doing absolutely nothing! Zilch. Zero. Nil. So I totally understood what "bored to death" meant. I persevered and worked for 2-3 years before I really realised that there was nothing more to the present job/portfolio that I was doing. I was "bored to tears"... I cried many times about how boring the job was... I really did. Guys, do not for one moment think that I am unproductive or slow... on the contrary, I do churn out volumes of reports and I do finish my tasks. In fact, one ex-boss had commented in a d*** sarcastic manner that I did my work so fast and so this meant that I had nothing to do. I think this ex-boss shot himself in the foot. If I, as your subordinate, had nothing to do, it only reflects that you are a lousy boss. So beat it. Anyway, this ex-boss is no longer in the organisation... was convicted in court for something not so pleasant (that is a dumb statement from me... since when got people got convicted in court for something pleasant one? hello? hehehe... my turn to shoot myself in my foot...)... anyway, see, bad habit, digressed again... anyway... where was I?

Oh yah... sometime in 2004, I know I had to quit. I felt absolutely underutilised, bored, underemployed and wasted. I knew I could do more. I asked God many many times to show me what else can I do? I wanted to quit so badly... but I did not budge as I had to pay for my wedding in Sep 2004... So well, I was stuck in XYZ... well meaning friends from my former church, often chided me for not being thankful that I have a "great" job. Most told me that I should be "contented"... but hello? Can't they see that I am wasting my time? I am definitely not satisfied. I want more. I am sure my God would not like to see me not fulfilling my potential. These friends from my former church and some colleagues who are Christians, often told me to pray about it. Yah. I did. The answer was the more I prayed, the more I am convinced that I must leave XYZ. So, to vision my resignation, I drafted my resignation letter in July 2004. This was triggered by the appointment of Ms Lala as my superior in my section. I shall not write too much about her. I have nothing good to say about her. Remember my earlier post on "nothing good to say, don't say"? yup, I shall not write anything about her. Thankfully, after my persistent prayer and crying to God about Ms Lala, she was posted out of my section after 6 months. Yup, so 2005 came and went. 2006 arrived. I have gone for countless job interviews. I have rejected so many times. There were 2 common reasons the companies that interviewed me gave: 1) We can't match your pay; & 2) You have no relevant industry experience. Sigh. I have to start somewhere right? My pay wasn't even high. Hey, after 6 years of working, you would expect my pay to be high, right? but no. It wasn't. Even my teacher friends were shocked when I told them about my measly pay. It was pathetic. Then I thought my break came... after 5 rounds of interview with this MNC, they finally offered me a job. I was excited. I was hyped-up. But alas, they offered me a pay package that was so low, I am not sure if I could even apply for a credit card. The reason was simple: I had not relevant industry experience. Sigh. I was irrational, as I only wanted to quit. The push factors were way too strong. I thought that that was all that I am worth. Thank God that He gave me good CGLs and Pastors to hold me back. They told me that God will never short change me and they believed that a better option would come my way. So I reject this job offer and stayed put. Sigh. I pressed on. Mondays were terrible. I could die from the pain of being trapped.

I continued to apply for jobs. Only one gave me a chance. Hey, this time, I decided not to talk about my current work during interviews. It felt different this time. It felt as though that God is with me. But I wasn't sure as I might be too eager to think that way. Just before the 1st round of interview, I felt a prompting... it went "talk about ushering"... I was like "huh?"... So when the interviewer asked me "tell me more about you"... instead of the usual banter on what I do at work, I said "I am an usher in church". So I talked about the detailed and meticulous task-oriented operations and also the people-oriented work. I talked about how I like to greet people who walked into the church on sunday mornings and ushered them to their seats and if I knew their names, I would greet them with their names. I spoke with sincerity about how I loved being an usher. Haha! The interviewers were surprised and impressed. They started to tell me about the job scope of the job that I was interviewing for. It was as if I had already been offered. Before I left, they even said that they liked my suit. Haha! so funny! So, I was called back for a stats and reasoning test and 2 more rounds of interviews with HR and also the big boss. Both times, I talked about the values and the good attitudes I learnt from church. It seems that I learnt so much more in my almost 2 years in Heart of God Church than the 6 years I was working in XYZ. XYZ never taught me about good attitudes and how to handle diffcult people, but my church did! I am so thankful to God for bringing me to this church. Great teachings, great pastors, great leaders, great people, great everything.

Just last monday, on 27 Aug, I felt so sad that I was still stuck in XYZ. I had to be alone to talk to God. So I went to the office gym, sat in the dark, on the exercise ball and started to cry a little. I didn't know what to say to God. I just said in my heart "God, how long more?". I didn't hear anything from God. After 5 minutes, I went back to my cubicle and continued labouring on my boring tasks. Then da phonecall from *** came on the morning of 28 Aug! I got the job! Yippee!! The terms were great and best of all, there was no pay cut. In fact, there was a slight increase! It takes a miracle! My God is a God of miracles!

So, friends, do not think that God cannot do you any good. God is a good God. God is a good father. He sees. He hears. He blessed me. He will do the same for you. The bible says that if you seek God, He will seek you. Every week, I hear stories of how God has blessed his children. In my church, there is always a miracle. Each person has his/her own miracle to tell. You've heard mine. Do you want your own?

Delirious Liu Xue!

2006-08-29T16:33:00.000+08:00

I am sooooo Happie! Yippee!! I want to jump for JOY! I want to shout out LOUD! but I have to act cool, cos I am still in the office ... It seems so surreal that I will be no. 9! Yes! Top 10! It's unbelievable.... six long boring years.... ha! It will pass. Thank You God for this miracle!

Details soon... watch this space!

Nothing good to say, DON'T SAY!!!

2006-08-28T14:14:00.000+08:00

Ahhh!!! I want to scream! Nothing good to say, DON'T SAY! That goes for me as well. Please. It is not edifying to tell people that they look bad, once too often. Please. Do not project your perception of yourself on others. Please. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything.

My resolutions: 1) I don't want to hear anything about the woman in the office anymore. (It's messing up my mind). 2) I will not talk about her anymore. 3) I don't want to gripe about stupid office politics and system anymore.

Career, not Job. Work, not Labour

2006-08-28T11:54:00.000+08:00

I want a CAREER, not a job. I need WORK, not labour.

A career suggests progression, incentives, recognition and most importantly, passion. Whereas a job meant something you hold down just to get the money to pay your bills and pass time.

Work involves creativity, as opposed to the daily drudgery of labour. I think it's very cruel to make humans do labour. So mindless and so bo-liao.

Me thinking long and hard (again... have been thinking for years... made many wrong choices in life...) about my career and my work. I want a progressive career and I want creative work. My job is boring ... ...

Anyway, I bettter not digress... bad habit. Check out what the career choices for INFJs entail. Me seriously thinking about doing career counselling for students also, just so that less people would make stupid decisions like the younger me.

Career Choices for INFJs

Whether you're a young adult trying to find your place in the world, or a not-so-young adult (is he refering to me?) trying to find out if you're moving along the right path, it's important to understand yourself and the personality traits which will impact your likeliness to succeed or fail at various careers. It's equally important to understand what is really important to you. When armed with an understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, and an awareness of what you truly value, you are in an excellent position to pick a career which you will find rewarding.

INFJs generally have the following traits:
Intuitively understand people and situations
Idealistic
Highly principled (Yupz!)
Complex and deep (Yupz!)
Natural leaders
Sensitive and compassionate towards people (Maybe a little too over sensitive... not something that I am proud of...)
Service-oriented (Yupz! That's why I love ushering.)
Future-oriented
Value deep, authentic relationships
Reserved about expressing their true selves
Dislike dealing with details unless they enhance or promote their vision (On the contrary, I think I am pretty detailed... or am I merely promoting my vision? haha!)
Constantly seeking meaning and purpose in everything (yupz! which contributes to my constant mental battles about life... which started since secondary school... at that time, as teenager, I could confide in no one about my crazy thoughts. My friends seemed more preoccupied about school and BG relationships. Whereas I was already thinking about "meaning of life"... too precocious a child I was. But... that's where I found my God!)
Creative and visionary
Intense and tightly-wound
Can work logically and rationally - use their intuition to understand the goal and work backwards towards it

The INFJ is a special individual (I is special...) who needs more out of a career than a job. They need to feel as if everything they do in their lives is in sync with their strong value systems - with what they believe to be right. Accordingly, the INFJ should choose a career in which they're able to live their daily lives in accordance with their deeply-held principles, and which supports them in their life quest to be doing something meaningful. Since INFJs have such strong value systems, and persistent intuitive visions which lend them a sense of "knowing", they do best in positions in which they are leaders, rather than followers. Although they can happily follow individuals who are leading in a direction which the INFJ fully supports, they will very unhappy following in any other situation.

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an INFJ. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed. (Wah, got put disclaimer one ah? "Cover backside" tactic. Haha!)

Possible Career Paths for the INFJ:
Clergy / Religious Work
Teachers
Medical Doctors / Dentists
Alternative Health Care Practitioners, i.e. Chiropractor, Reflexologist
Psychologists
Psychiatrists
Counselors and Social Workers
Musicians and Artists
Photographers
Child Care / Early Childhood Development

okie... more on liuxue's crazy thots to come!

Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging

2006-08-23T12:22:00.000+08:00

Guys! I am currently obssessed about the MBTI test. Here are somethings I found on the net about the INFJ types, i.e. yours truly.... Hey, if any of you, my friends, are interested in taking this profiling test, let me know, no shy k? I have the profiling questions. I really learnt a lot about myself... I am seriously thinking about a career in training or teaching...hmm....

by Joe Butt
Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.
INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ. (That is why Pastor How's sermon on Mercy and Grace above Justice really zapped me! My fight for justice is my bane... gotto watch it and remember mercy and grace!)
"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives (opps! That sounds like me too! that's my deeper darker side... muahahahahaha....), INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.
INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.
Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche. (Gosh... the career and the interests things really sound like me...)

by Marina Margaret Heiss
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists (that's mua! That's mua!), and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.
INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts (yes, yes, yes.... people often think that I am outgoing and extroverted, but seriously, I am not...) because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates (yup... i do withdraw into myself sometimes... kinda need space to think and recharge) . This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type (this confirms my suspicion that I am a misfit... sometimes I think I am a little schizo... lao gong, are you scared? Muahahahahahaaaaa.........)
Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights (Fwah! I is clever!) of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).
This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" (see... schizo...) between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted (er... si mi ah? so cheem...) feelings.
Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills (that's right! INFJs very high in intra-personal and linguistic intelligence one leh!). Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) (hmm... should I go into this? I mean, I do like the idea very much) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic" (yah lah... don't ask me to do maths lah... very xiong on my brain...) , and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences (haha! that's why I did so much better in arts in university) . However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.
In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

Copyright © 1996-2005 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt

Vision with Action can Change the World!

2006-08-22T16:56:00.000+08:00

Had a busy week last week... busy, but exciting. Went for a three day train-the-trainers course at IPAM. It was fantastic! I learnt so much and made some new friends. I learnt techniques on training in front of a group of people, whether adults or youth or children. Fasinating. I learnt about fillers, energizers, warm-ups, ice-breakers... I learnt about models of learning and the 7 intelligence and I did many many profiling tests - MBTI, FIRO-B, Learning styles, team compatibility... etc... So, I am a INFJ - Intraverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging. INFJs only make up 1% of the population. Ha! I am rare! No wonder sometimes, I feel like a misfit. Maybe to many people, I may not seem to be introverted, but guys, really lah, I am... I need to rest to recharge, not go out and chiong... so friends, now you know why I dont quite like pubbing? So noisy and so smelly, got smoke and drunkards and vomit all around, some more must pay money to buy coke? are you kidding? what's so good about that? Pubbing sounds really silly to me. I digressed. Anyway, where was I? oh, yup, I learnt so much. I am quite intrigued by HRD, not HRM. I think HRM is quite boring, but HRS sounds interesting... Am wondering, should I take up a course in HRD? After all, in the vision which I wrote down during the course, I wrote "Help People to Realise their Potential to be Great". I like how that sounds. Hmm... got to pray and ask God for a direction. Oh, then, if I am right, isn't image consulting part of HRD? Ha! I like it! More than that, I like the fact that God is adding stuff to my vision.

Visions... I was troubled recently by that. I asked God and my CGLs... is it ok not to have a vision? cant I just live my life and do my best in whatever comes into my path? Well... God gave me the answer... The course reminded me of what Pastor How spoke about last time about visions... Vision without action is a dream. Action without vision is passing time. Vision with action can change the world! Wow! I will continue to seek my God about this vision and in time, and fast time, I know He will complete this vision...

Sometimes, I sit quietly and I think. I am so loved! yes, I am. I have friends who care about my job interviews. I have a great church, where I have the privilege to serve. I have a wonderful lao gong. I have great leaders in church who always have to listen to my whining and especially, my recent whining about not having a vision. I have 2 wonderful pastors. In all my years as a Christian, I never had such wonderful pastors who cared personally for me. And I have good parents. I have many blessings lah. And I still want more.

okie. Me going to run 10km. Go to be fit... never passed any of my fitness test from primary 4 to JC 2... hmmm... wonder if I am fitter than last time... you know wat? I think I am. hehe...

Mass EXODUS!! Mass EXODUS!!

2006-08-14T23:10:00.001+08:00

Aiyah... when's it my turn?

ok, what's with the commotion on exodus-ing... This afternoon, the news came that 2 more officers from my department resigned! Ah!! Last week, there was one, and today, there are 2 more! All in all, there are 8 officers in my small lil' department who called it quits! And I am not one of them! What's worse? With the 2 resignations, one whole section became empty! The mad man got posted out with his fave officer, and the 3 remaining officers resigned! All that is left is the PA. I was so evil... when the news came, I laughed. Not just a small sweet smirking kind of laugh. I laughed, with my mouth wide open, my eyes wide open, my teeth showing... I hope my nostrils were not flared opened though... Eee... imagine the sight... Some of my kakis in the office were also laughing along with me... I know lah, we like so evil like that right? but ah... the problems in the office were there for years, we know it, the bosses know it, but they pretend they don't know it... anyway... God, when's it my turn? My kakis are vying for the 9th and 10th position, i.e. the next persons to resign... The job's too mundane for me... I feel so underemployed... wah, so hao lian! haha! But seriously lah, I know I can do much more!

Also, Mondays are really really blue... I mean, Mondays are a great contrast to Sundays. Sundays are so exciting, fun and motivating. I go to my exciting and happening church on Sundays and I laugh, I cry, I sing, I have great friends, I meet with God, I immerse in His presence... get so high... then *poof*... here comes the prick to burst my happy bubble...mondays... this morning, I walked into my section, walked to my huge cubicle, switched on my radio, switched on my pc... and sighed... the office is so deadly quiet... my team mates are so quiet... I mean, they are nice people, really. But they are just not loud enough... they are sweet and passive... but I am loud and chor-lor. aiyoh... torture ah.. I must remember to pray before I start work. That way, I know that God is with me. Sometimes, my ex-colleague (the no.2 to quit this year), my favourite loud-mouth Jen Jen, will sms me or call me to check if I am still alive... hee... so sweet of her. I really missed Jen Jen... I can hear her before I see her. She's the live wire. Anyway... enough of this griping... I know God has great plans for me. No way is He going to let His child rot in a boring place.

Wear Green Day was only partially successful. Charlene went on MC; Joyce went on urgent leave; Eileen forgot to wear green (wah, that one must da pi gu le)... the best is Ah Guay... she wore a lime green suit. Fwah! If the mad man saw, he will be very unhappy... hahahahaha!!!!

ok, ok, I hope I wont write about the mad man again.

tata! Me going to watch a little TV to make myself really sleepy.

Ah Lian in Green on Monday!

2006-08-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

Aha! My dear "wild flowers" friend commented that I sound like an "Ah lian" in my blog! yes! that's right! I am very the lian! I lurvvee it! Lian lian lah! Being lian is good mah, many people can identify with me mah. Haha! Hmmm... it takes one Lian to know another Lian... haha!! gotcha Wild Flowers! But ah, I is an "Ang Mo lian", cos ah, my Chi-na very problematic. I had Chinese tuition from pri. 2 to JC 2... but ah, in the end, still fail. Poor mum, spent so much money on tuition for me. So the sub-point is... Mothers, don't waste money on tuition... hahahaha... wah, I write like that will "shoot dao4 heng3 duo1 ren2"!

Anyway... yes, the issue in this entry is tomorrow is "Wear Green Day"!! Woo Hoo!! Ok, as promised, I am going to explain, albeit briefly, what this green thing is all about... here goes... There is one mad man (Note: I am not a diplomat so no apologies) in my office who doesnt like green, in particular, lime green... and he will be posted out tomorrow, 14 Aug 06... and we are rejoicing! He is quite a terror in the office... so to celebrate his demise... oops... freudien slip... I mean... his departure... we, my colleagues, are wearing green!! Woah! anything green is fine, as long as there is green.

alright, gotta go... gotta plan my wardrobe for green day!

Watch this space for more... Ta!